I have some problems and the lack of motivation is just one of many of them. I also struggle with anxiety and confidence. Even going out with my friends sounds exhausting. Let alone getting up from my bed and actually studying.
I have no joy to exercise, meet my friends or do anything at all. Often I just close myself up in a room and either read, write or listen to some music.
When I socialize, I am a totally different person. I love to laugh, talk, dance, do anything. I believe I can be quite a fun person actually. I do often realize that I am suffering because of my mood swings though.
When I feel tired, it’s like nothing else but laying down sounds normal. I can’t study, eat and often not even walk around. On a good day, when my mood swings aren’t present, I feel joyful and energized and ready to take on the world.
But a lot of times … I just feel lazy. Lazy and tired and unpleasent.
And my mood swings are those that bring me closer to my anxiety and my lack of confidence. I am incredibly moody and anything you say or do can make me feel bad about myself.
After that … I start doubting. I doubt about people that hang with me – are they sincere?
I doubt about this person I am – am I a good person or am I just pretending to be one?
I doubt about my life – I abandon my hopes and dreams because everything there is sounds too big for me. It sounds like I can’t achieve anything at all.
If going out with people sounds tiring to me, how am I supposed to do anything good in life?
And when my mood swings aren’t present, I suddenly feel so positive. Nothing bothers me. Sometimes, it feels like I am kind of confident. I say and do things without thinking twice about them.
I wish my mood swings wouldn’t happen that often. A lot of times, it seems like they are ruining my chances of life.
If I doubt in myself and if I doubt in people who are close to me and in everything I know … I can’t live a peaceful life.
So how do I overcome my mood swings? I wish I had an idea.
I keep telling myself that I need to get myself more motivated. I need to go out, because it will help me with my energy. I have to find things that bring me joy.
But everytime I do … Everytime I start feeling better … There is this mood swing all over again.