We learn important lessons every day and I’ve learned one myself. In life, there is only one person you can truly trust. One person that will push you forward. That doesn’t mean you can’t have friends or that you can’t be capable of loving. I am sure we all get a lot of chances at love. We can love our parents, siblings, friends, complete strangers. But we should never love anybody as much as we should love ourselves. And nobody will love us as they love themselves.
I’ve said before I have issues with the lack of motivation. I get things done, but it takes me to give in a lot of time and a lot of effort. I do everything with almost perfection. I am dedicated. I just don’t have the joy to do something if it’s not as urgent to do.
That means I need people who will push me forward and tell me that I am capable of doing great things. I need someone who will motivate me.
A lot of times, friends help me out. And my parents do as well. But sometimes I can disappoint people and they can disappoint me back. Nobody will always say the words that I want to hear the most. Sometimes people won’t understand what is my wish. What do I want to do, what do I want to hear. Sometimes people will be too busy worrying about themselves or joking on my behalf to notice that I do need them.
It’s nothing bad. I don’t take things personally. I still know they love me and care about me. But when it comes to pushing me forward … I realize I have to stop depending on other people.
I can’t depend on their mood or their time. They are not a therapist to me. They are people who want to see me good and who will comfort me in right times. But they can’t be around me all the time.
Sometimes, when I need someone to encourage me, they get too busy. My friends need to study, my parents have to pay the bills. And again, it’s okay.
And … They helped me realize this. There is one person that will never be too busy. And it’s myself.
I have to encourage myself. I have to go for a run on my own when nobody has the time. I have to shut off the computer and push myself to study on my own.
Sometimes, I’ll have to whipe off my tears when I think I am unworthy, look in the mirror, smile and say that I can accomplish great things.
I have to believe in myself.
People might care, people might love. And I am grateful for everyone that is or was a part of my life anyhow. They help me be a better person. They helped me realize a lot of things.
This is one of those things: I have to believe in myself at times when nobody else might.