Largest Temperature

Opening up about bullying and how my bullies were bullied themselves.

Hi everyone! A lot of time has passed since I wrote a post on this blog. I can’t say I have any excuses, life just kind of gets in the middle.
But here I am, ready to talk about a thing that has been bothering me this day. It’s a theme we don’t talk about much, but an experience most of young or older kids go through. It’s bullying.
The elementary school I was in wasn’t full of great people. I didn’t get a lot of friends, I didn’t feel comfortable in the building – or in my skin. I was judged and verbally bullied. Can’t lie: I wasn’t by far the only kid. We all know how the circle goes. You know the popular kids and the kids who prefer being a little more alone. I was a very negative person and wasn’t the kindest human being myself. I regret a lot of decisions I have made. I regret the toxic personality that I had. But even though I feel responsible for everything I have done, I still have to accept the fact that I couldn’t be a better human being in such an environment I was in.
As young teenagers, it’s hard to accept yourself, let alone anybody else. We didn’t support each other, we didn’t care much for each other. I remember the popular kids always had to bully someone. Each time, it was a different person. But no matter how often they verbally bullied you, you still managed to get a stamp on yourself that wasn’t able to come off.
Kids and teenagers from the elementary school that I was attending, played with my courage and my voice. Because of them, I suffered social anxiety, other fears, sorrow, uncertainty. Because of them, I thought I didn’t deserve to know lovable people who would love me and teach me how to love myself. And I lived like that for the entire time I was attending elementary school. Once again, I doubt I was the only one.

Today, I am attending high school. I’ve met positive people that have the same impact on myself. I am learning to be grateful, happy. i am learning to laugh and to love myself. I am learning to be a better human being.
Today, when I see people who verbally bullied me, I still feel ashamed. But only for a second. When that second passes, that shame gets replaced with pride. The pride that says “here I am. I am happy, strong and smart. I’ve learned from my mistakes. Have you?”

I feel as if no matter how much better I get, people who “stamped” me, will always be the people who made bad influence on my life. No matter where they are.
Yet … Here is the thing. When I was verbally bullied, I thought I was the victim. I thought I was a weak human being.
The reality? My bullies were the weak ones.

People who bullied me, were bullied themselves by another people. They bullied me to prove to themselves they can be as “strong” as their bully was.
And here is that final message we have to spread.
Negativity isn’t strength. Bullying isn’t strength. Hate isn’t strength.

Those people played with something you should never play with – whether it’s yours or somebody else’s. They played with my confidence. Now, I am finding it again. I am exploring my voice and my inner strength.
And I am not weaker.
I am stronger than they ever will be.

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This entry was posted on November 10, 2015 by in psychology and tagged , , , , , , , , , .
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