I always wonder when is the right time to move on from somebody – may that be a love partner or a friend – and when is the time to keep fighting for a relationship. I think the fighting stops when you no longer have the energy to fight. Somebody’s presence has a negative impact on you, you feel exhausted whenever you see them, they make you feel uncomfortable … Another interesting point is that fighting for somebody who no longer fights for you is pointless.
And yet … I think it’s in our nature to hold onto people we know, circumstances and places we know. I believe it’s in somebody’s nature more than somebody else’s – because some people seek change instead. I am not going to fall into psychology and try to understand why do they seek change or why do some other people fear change, that’s just how it is. People who seek change are those people who are probably not as emotionally attached, because fighting for something or somebody indeed requires your emotional attachness. I’ve said it at the beginning that when you start to feel exhausted and you don’t have the energy to fight, everything is pointless. And you start feeling exhausted when love and emotional attachness lose the fight.
Maybe your confidence is a factor in deciding whether you should keep on fighting or simply just move on. Whoever has low confidence, probably doesn’t cherish themselves as much, which means they are more likely to forgive people who hurt them. »They are hurting me, because I deserve it.« Listen to me. Nobody deserves a toxic environment. You deserve to feel happy. You deserve people who will support you and won’t give up on you.
Life challenges us all the time. The most common excuse as to why people cannot try harder for a friendship/relationship is that a person has »changed«. We are all changing our entire lives, that is what the point of everything is. We are growing up, moving away from our hometown, studying, meeting new people constantly – and of course, every single person that we meet somehow has an impact on us and helps us shape our personality. »They have changed« is the most annoying excuse you can have as to why somebody isn’t worth the fight. You have changed just as much. Everyone has changed and is still changing.
I think at the end of the day all you have to do is have an opened conversation. Nothing else matters if you can’t speak openly. Not the “they have changed” excuse or “I am not good enough” or anything like that. Ask yourself. Why has your friend/partner changed? What is it that bothers you? Why do you think you have changed and in what ways have you changed? If you can have an opened converstation, that relationship/friendship is worth the fight. If you can no longer bother explaining to somebody why you feel uncomfortable, why do they feel toxic for you and vice-versa, you have probably lost the fight.
It’s hard for me to know when is somebody worth of my energy and when should I just simply give up. I try to fight for people in my life more often than not, because no matter what, I always find exceptions. »I haven’t seen my best friend in three months, but she has a boyfriend now, so I understand it.«
Or … »My friend didn’t pick up her phone when I struggled, but it’s OK, because she was outside drinking.« No. No exceptions. And no excuses. If somebody cares about you, they will take the time, no matter where life takes them and no matter what they are doing. Respect yourself enough not to give people the feeling that you can come last. If they are busy, they can always text you an explanation, they can always talk to you the next day (or hell, anytime in the next THREE days), but ignoring somebody completely isn’t the right way to handle a relationship/friendship.
I will say this. If there is mutual respect, you need to respect somebody’s life obligations and understand that you do not come first. However, you also need to respect yourself and not accept yourself as the »last« choice as well.