Largest Temperature

My response to: “You’re not a free spirit”

Two of my biggest pet peeves of people’s personality traits are mocking and passive-aggressive behavior. I am very aware of people, therefore I notice the changes in their begavior and I tend to be overly emotional about it. I’ve embraced that trait, but I definitely think of it as a weakness. Why have I started talking about my weaknesses? Because I think you need to know more about my behavior, before I open any topic at all.

I am a very opened person. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t need my space and quiet. I don’t feel uncomfortable being alone – I actually cherish those moments, because they’re pretty rare, given the fact that life normally forces us to socialize in public.
However, it seems as if some people cannot bare the thought of being alone and they might resent me for feeling so comfortable in my own skin when I am not in a group of people. Let me elaborate.

The other day I was just talking about my behavior. I was joking about how comfortable I am with being alone and saying that I don’t socialize much, unless I am more or less “forced”. Then a person I consider an acquaintance told me I’m not a “free spirit”, as if she wanted to point out the fact that I am “boring”, just because I love the “me” time.

Let’s stop for a second. There’s something I need to explain. A person who is opened to spending time by themselves, is not boring, CAN be a free spirit and doesn’t mind having a fun time with their friends and family every once in a while.
I like being alone, but I am a human being with emotions and I do get lonely. I equally cherish the pure moments that I spend with my friends as I cherish the “me” time, but I don’t like forcing myself into social situations that I am not comfortable with.

Let’s rewind. »No way. YOU are not a free spirit!« Why not? I am not »fun«, because I have a different perspective of what having fun means? I am not »fun«, because spending time alone IS fun to me just as much as being outside with the people I know and love? And what exactly gives you the right to label me as somebody who isn’t a free spirit and isn’t »FUN«? Or – different question, what is it that you do that makes YOU a free, fun spirit?

If something doesn’t seem like fun to you, it doesn’t mean that an activity is in fact boring. If you don’t like something, it doesn’t mean the thing is bad. It just doesn’t appeal to you, for whatever reason.

Let me explain very clearly that it is not my wish to appeal to somebody. I don’t need people to think of me as a fun and free spirit, because I don’t want their labels. I’ve labelled myself and that is the only correct label, as far as I care. However, I feel as if sometimes you need to defend yourself just for that reason – to show people that their opinion does not matter, but at the same time you don’t give them the satisfaction of thinking that they have the right to label you. They certainly don’t.

I think of myself as a fun and free spirit. I think being home and playing board games is equally fun to being outside and mingling. I feel comfortable in both situations. If I don’t do an activity that is accepted by the majority as a “fun” activity often, that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun at all. And I don’t feel comfortable when people call me boring.

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This entry was posted on August 16, 2016 by in advice column, psychology, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , .
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