I’d really like to point out that I don’t have anxiety per se, but I started feeling anxious/nervous more often than I did before. I am wondering whether that has anything to do with confidence. I used to be quite confident when I was younger and I was always a loud kid. I am still a loud person, but I think my confidence definitely lowered down with years. Maybe that’s connected to the anxiety or maybe it isn’t, but I can say I’ve been fixing the lack of my confidence, whereas my anxiety seems to be growing with time.
I noticed my anxiety rises when I don’t socialize for some time. That’s why I believe school is good for me. It gives my life structure and I am forced to socialize. I do feel uncomfortable in big crowds. However, the crowd doesn’t seem so intimidating if I am around people I know. I stick to them and they calm me down. That sounds almost as if I depend on them on some level, but I wouldn’t exactly call it that way, I’d just say the right people bring the right energy to me.
On the other hand … Vacations don’t calm me down, because I tend to take time to be alone. I love my alone time, but I’ve noticed something quite silly … I almost forget how socializing feels like, because of my alone time. I get angry more often and after awhile I don’t know how to fit in a group of people. I’ve also noticed that people I spend time with often point out my face expressions … I am a huge overthinker and apparently everybody can tell. Unless I am 100% comfortable, I just try to distract myself by thinking about something else. It’s a habit I developped when I am alone. Therefore, I have to say … As much as I love my alone time, it feels like it’s not good for me at all.
I have my flaws, but thanfully, my anxiety hasn’t progressed to a level where I couldn’t “function” normally. Yes, I feel nervous in some situations, but I am still capable of speaking in public, I am still a loud person and unless I met you for the first time, I am not shy at all. My anxiety calms down when I am in a group of people I know well and I feel well with. If people are chatty, loud and positive, I feel calm. Thanfully, I feel calm with most of my friends, at least 90% of them and I also feel very calm around my family.
Therefore, I feel like I can control my anxiety, but I sometimes fear it, too. I am speaking of my anxiety because I think it shouldn’t be a tabu topic.