Does anyone else feel like meeting new people and making new friends is a huge pressure? I find myself having trouble trusting people at all. I used to like being close to people, I used to like letting my friends know about the things I was thinking about. But, lately, I feel like I’ve changed. I feel like it’s harder for me to get close to people. It’s harder for me to talk about my past, my present, my future …
It bothers me a lot that I don’t have the same relationship with some people that I used to do. It bothers me that my friends don’t feel like they can come up to me when they need to talk and it bothers me that I feel like I can’t come up to them. We’re all living in our own bubbles, being too afraid of making legit relatinships and we’re all so obsessed with privacy and peace. I say there’s nothing wrong with being faitful to yourself and taking time off for your thoughts. But we’re all so … Unemotional, wouldn’t you say so?
I don’t feel comfortable around people that I don’t know well, because I never know what is going on in their head. I like knowing what does someone feel based on their mimics. I like saying the “right” words – those that somebody “wants” to hear. I can’t truly commit to somebody if they are cold and … Unavailable? Is that the right word? I can’t commit to a person that I don’t know well. I can be cold and unavailable myself, too. I can’t even count how many time I have pushed people away, but not because I wanted to get my “revenge”. It’s because it didn’t feel right for me to be close to certain people.
I feel like … Everyone is this way. A bit detached and private. I don’t know what to do in order to wake some feelings in some people. And it goes the other way around – I don’t know what could some people do in order to wake my feelings. If you aren’t “feeling” a certain relationship with a certain person, then that’s that.
I wish I could openly talk to my friends about some things that I am writing about instead. Maybe it’s better that I don’t, because these … Waves of emotions … They come and go.
Rant over, my friends.