I’m really trying not to be one of those pessimistic people that will tell you “you shouldn’t be kind and opened and sincere, because being an ugly person will obviously get you better results.” I’d hate myself if I’d believe something like that. I believe there’s good in people, I believe good always wins over bad and I believe that being good will get you good results – if not out there in the world, then definitely as a personal satisfaction inside your soul. However, I sometimes struggle with being kind, because it seems like I don’t profit anything from it – not in the outside world, but in my personal soul.
What do I mean?
I SOMETIMES find myself being used when I am being kind. People want one minor favor and then they want more of them. They start calling you everytime they need an advice. They look at you strangely when you stand up for yourself and let them know that you cannot (and will not) be used … They forget you have emotions. They forget you have an inner voice … Or maybe they don’t care? Maybe they’re being selfish?
Let me tell you something. I don’t feel good for being kind when people take advantage of that kidness. I don’t feel good when people expect me to be kind always … I am a real human being and I feel all kinds of emotions – anxiety, anger, sadness, love, excitement … I cannot be kind all the time and I think no human being can. If you love a kind person, you should allow them to be unkind. That doesn’t mean that you can let people walk over you and disrespect you … But you shouldn’t walk over them and disrespect them, either.
I don’t want to be one of those people who always have an angry expression on their face (hey, my bitch resting face does it for me) and I certainly don’t want to be negative, unappealing, etc. … But I think every single human should stand up for themselves. Nobody should let anyone walk over them. If you do good, you expect good. I’ve got my own life to live, I can’t just think of other people’s feelings, I have to consider my own, as well.
People dislike you when you aren’t being kind, but they often don’t know what to do with your kindness … An example: sometimes people don’t even say “thank you” when you compliment them. Sometimes they don’t say thank you when you help them. I don’t have to be thanked for every single thing that I do, but as a human being, I “crazily” expect to be respected and … Loved … Back.
I need an inner satisfaction that by doing good, I can expect good to be returned to me. I need an inner satisfaction that people appreciate me for being kind and they will be kind toward me the next time that I might need a favor. Then it’ll be even easier for me to believe that being an “ugly” person won’t get you “better” results than if you are a “pretty” person …