I’ve been thinking about some things a lot in my head, but I haven’t truly expressed them – not as much as I’d like, anyway. I feel like it’d be good for me to write it all down, because writing always helps you cope with unprocessed things.
So … Here we go.
My parents bought a new house in the village, which means we will be soon moving out. Out of … An industrial city that I have spent my entire life in, that is 18 years. And I feel a little bit sad about that. It’s not a dreamy town. There’s a lot of old people and the youngsters are lazy and barelly sociable. It’s almost a dead city … Or it will be, quite soon. But you know what, it’s still my city. It’s my home and it has my heart. I’m going to college quite soon, which means I will be living in a new city I am not familiar with at least 5 days a week. After those 5 days, it would be really nice to come home to something I am familiar with. It’d be nice to sleep in my own bed, the one I have been sleeping in for 18 years. And instead … After being in a big city I don’t know anything about for 5 days, I will be coming “home” to a village that I am even less familiar with.
Yeah, so that’s selfish. My parents have been living in a town for about 28 years (if we count the age of my brother). I know they weren’t as happy as they could be if they lived in a village, because they grew up in one. Their heart pulls them back to the farm, the nature, the clear air with kind people who give you space. I personally appreaciate all of that, I truly do. But just as their heart pushes them to a village, my own heart doesn’t do the same. I truly respect the farmers, the hardworking people who have built themselves everything they have. Maybe one day I’ll feel at home with something like that … But now, I don’t.
Truth be told … If my parents haven’t bought a new house and they decided to continue to live in my hometown … I still wouldn’t have much to come home to. I am not really emotionally attached to the people who live here and I certainly don’t expect to stay in touch with any of them, no matter where I’ll live. So, maybe this entire situation is going to make some things easier. However … If nothing else, I have an emotional attachment to the place that has been my home for such a long time. No matter the past, the elemantary school experience that I have been trying to forget, the people that I don’t love … This place still has my heart.
It’s going to be difficult. Out of nowhere, EVERYTHING will be different and literally nothing will stay the same. I am excited about the changes, the new environments, the experiences … But I am also a little bit afraid that nothing will have my heart the way that this place, which is my hometown, does.