It wouldn’t be a weekend if I weren’t overthinking things. Even though I should be studying and/or doing anything else, here I am, writing.
So, let me ask you … Do you normally expect things to end? Sometimes it’s hard for me to get emotionally attached to people, because I expect them to leave. I’m not necessarily a pessimistic person and I wouldn’t say I have abandonment issues … I just don’t find myself trusting people all that often. I feel as if we’re in that period of time when it’s normal to get bored of things and people. I feel like it’s normal for people to walk away without explanation and it’s normal to start things fresh out of nowhere. Or so, we are thought to believe. Or maybe I’m one of the rare people that believe that?
Actually, I don’t think that we can get bored of a person in one day and I also don’t think we can leave that easily if we were emotionally connected to that person. However, lately, some people seem like they simply don’t have a problem with leaving.
I personally cannot check out emotionally that quickly. It takes time … It takes a lot of strenght … And overthinking … And, I don’t know, mental analyses. On the other hand, if I didn’t connect with a person, I’m always keeping an emotional distance and it’s easier to leave then.
Sometimes things just happen … We expect to stay in touch with people, we expect to say hello to each other. And yet there’s this weird energy between you people, like some business isn’t finished and all the cards weren’t put out on the table. Am I being too philosophical? It can be hard for me to write the things that I am thinking, so I hope I make sense, but I don’t know …
I hate when there’s unfinished business. That type of things keep me up at night, I’m telling you. I hate it when I don’t know what is the person thinking, what is the person feeling … “Am I the only one who is feeling detached, am I the only one who is feeling lonely and upset – in this relationship?” Sometimes I ask myself that and the fact that I don’t get any answers back simply hurts me.
When I wake up tomorrow, I won’t be feeling any of these things and I’ll be back to ponies and rainbows. But right now, I just feel like there are things to talk about. Like how I used to be close to people who are nothing now … And it just happened out of nowhere.
At times, when I was the one that “left”, I made the right decision. I know that. Because there was nothing left to hold on to and the relationship between me and that person simply wasn’t positive and energizing. It’s good to leave sometimes. Yet … I wish that wasn’t so. I wish people acted differently. I also wish I acted differently … I don’t know what kind of things would I even want to change, but some situations sure did leave a sour taste in my mouth.