Largest Temperature

“You’ve changed.”

One of THE VAGUEST phrases anyone could ever use is “You’ve changed.”
Thanfully, people don’t say it often – probably because as a majority we’re aware just how incredibly stupid it is.

It doesn’t cover anything you’ve wanted to say. And in all sincerity, it mostly isn’t used as a compliment. Most often than anything else, we say people have changed when we have a fallout with them. “I don’t hear from her/him anymore, she/he has changed.”

Some of my friends have definitely changed, yes, but I wouldn’t say that those changes were necessarily the reason for our fallout. I think the main reason was that we didn’t have the energy to see each other anymore and we used the lack of time as the excuse not to try harder to build that relationship. Then we simply stopped being emotionally connected to each other, which made our relationship suffer.

I’d like to believe I have changed, too. And to me, those changes are definitely positive and good. I’ve learnt how to be more confident, more comfortable in my own skin, happier and thankful for everything that I have.

While I like my own changes, I can’t say that every person in my life was excited for me to become a more confident person. Because … I have also learnt that people shouldn’t take advantage of my pure, naive heart. I have learnt how to control the goodness in me, so it benefits me and it doesn’t act against me.

In life, we will always be surrounded with two kinds of people. The ones who cheer for you no matter what and the ones that only cheer for you when it’s convenient for them.

Any person that didn’t accept my changes, didn’t fit into the first group of people. And since I have decided to always surround myself with good energy, I couldn’t be surrounded with them anymore. Hey, listen, there’s no beef with me and that kind of people. Maybe they “need” friends who can be controlled and manipulated and who have naive hearts in order to be happy and content with themselves, but that just wasn’t for me.

So … I’ve changed. I’m glad I’ve changed. Some of my friends changed … And while I’d love nothing more than to be the person that cheers for them no matter who they have become, I simply cannot do that with some of them. And for one, clear reason. They haven’t cheered for me.

Maybe that sounds selfish. Maybe if I acted differently, they would have, as well. I could have taken the first step, I gladly don’t have a huge ego that would prevent me from doing such a thing. Yet … With some people, I have been compromising my entire life … Putting them first and letting them change, hoping that they would grow as a person instead of shrink. But they haven’t. While I’ve been their number one fan, they kept running away from me.

And when you meet somebody new who keeps on cheering for you, no matter what you do and what place you’re at – emotionally … You realize you have spent so many time surrounding yourself with the wrong kind of people. They weren’t worth of your energy or your time.

At the end of the day … The change itself isn’t the problem. The problem is our ego, our fear and ability to be evil toward some people that don’t deserve it. I’m not playing the victim card, I know I have done the same injustice to some people that somebody else did to me. That’s the point of being human … We’re imperfect and incomplete. Some grow and some don’t, though. THAT’S the difference.


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This entry was posted on April 22, 2017 by in psychology and tagged , , , , , .
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