Ever since I have started high school, I have changed in a lot of ways. I have matured, I have gained confidence and I have become a much happier version of myself. I had a dark period of my life in elementary school when both of my grandparents died in the span of a year. Since I was very close to them, I took a huge hit. I was also always a skinny girl, but I found comfort in food then and because my body was changing anyway, I gained weight and I had trouble accepting that. I was always down and irritated, which also brought me to losing friends and constantly feeling alone and lonely. The person that I was back then … I cannot say I am proud of her. But I know she would have been proud of the person I am today. And no matter what, I have learned so much from that version of myself.
After four years of high school … All those years of building myself, my personality and my confidence … Now that I am ending high school, it made me think of everything that has happened in that time. And a lot of things happened. The good kind.
When I look at the people who are my friends now, I see that they reflect the good in me. I can be myself, I can say whatever is on my mind, I can do whatever I feel like doing … I truly feel like they support and love me. It can be hard to accept people in all that they are – with their mistakes, their bad habits … But when you truly love somebody, the fight is always worth it.
I cannot say that the people I was friends with in elementary school were cheering on for me much. It also doesn’t feel like I was their supporter … Simply because we were all so selfish. Arrogant. Angry. At first, I thought the problem is that we were too young to look beyond ourselves. I thought we acted the way we did because we were immature … Yet, with years, I noticed our relationships haven’t changed. I was truly pushing into staying in touch with some people. I spent so much time on them, when I should have been focusing on new people who would act different and who would make ME act different towards them, as well.
I spent too much time on the wrong people. I don’t know why were they so wrong. I don’t know why some friendships didn’t work out the way I had hoped. I don’t know a lot of things … But I do know that some people make me feel good about myself and some don’t. I am so glad I let go of the people who didn’t.
I also know now that the right kind of people always come back into your life if it’s meant to be. I cannot say for sure that I believe in faith or God’s plans … However, I surely believe there is something bigger than us. And I have experienced on my own skin – sometimes people leave us, because the timing isn’t right. Sometimes we leave them … And in this year, some of those people came back to me. And it never felt better.
This last year of high school was so good to me. It was full of stress, but I spent so much time with the RIGHT people. For once in my life. I truly felt happy.
I am so thankful. To God. To those people in my life. To myself … For being able to grow up, for letting myself to be flawed, but also seeing beyond those flaws and letting myself be happy and confident.
So, hey! If you’re spending too much time on the people who feel wrong … Let it go. There’s so much more out there. You deserve better. And they deserve better, as well.