Since my final exams are highly approaching, I keep on having hundreds of mood swings per day. One minute I believe in myself, I’m trying to motivate myself the best way there’s possible to and I’m imagining my bright, beautiful career that will be the PEAK of my life if I just make through this.
And then the next minute I’m failing to do any of that. I’m panicking, thinking the worst and being so, so scared. I do believe in myself and I know I’m smart enough to make it (I always try to remember that “dumber” people got through final exams … Right? We all know them), but I care. And that’s the problem. Because it feels like everything I want in my life depends on whether I do well at this certain moment … Or not.
If you really think through it, you’ll notice that isn’t necessarily true. Even if I fail right now, that can only mean that my dreams are being postponed and I’ll get back on track sooner or later. If it’s meant to be, it will be. If God himself thinks that I’d be a badass English teacher, he’ll help me get there. Right?
Yeah. Probably. Not everyone gets to live their dreams, on the other hand. So, who knows. And maybe I find a different dream along the way … To tell you the truth, I don’t even know when was the first time that I thought to myself “Hey! I want to be a TEACHER!” I had so many different dreams, especially when I was a kid. I first wanted to be a masseuse, which clearly didn’t make any sense at all, because kids normally don’t “dream” about massaging people, am I right? Haha … Then, I wanted to work in medicine, which made even less sense, since I wasn’t a hard-working student until I got to high school. I also really wanted to be a psychologist, since people kept telling me I am incredibly good with words and I always liked helping people out and giving advice. And then … I think the connection of all of those dreams is the will to help people out. Teachers teach valuable lessons, whether those are linked to school or personal life. So, then … That made most sense.
Now I’m here, trying to kick ass at my final exams, so I can get accepted to my dreamy little college that will give me an education, so I can educate others. But, like I’ve said … I’m scared. So, so scared. I think I can do this … But it depends which mood swing hits me. I’ll let you know soon.
Either way … PLEASE think of me this Saturday and keep your fingers crossed that I do well.
Also, think of everyone who is going through a hard time right now, because final exams took all of their energy, confidence and … Happiness in life (sense the sarcasm, by the way. We’re good. It’ll be good).