Largest Temperature

It’s not that I don’t believe in myself, I just find myself being scared.

Since my final exams are highly approaching, I keep on having hundreds of mood swings per day. One minute I believe in myself, I’m trying to motivate myself the best way there’s possible to and I’m imagining my bright, beautiful career that will be the PEAK of my life if I just make through this.

And then the next minute I’m failing to do any of that. I’m panicking, thinking the worst and being so, so scared. I do believe in myself and I know I’m smart enough to make it (I always try to remember that “dumber” people got through final exams … Right? We all know them), but I care. And that’s the problem. Because it feels like everything I want in my life depends on whether I do well at this certain moment … Or not.

If you really think through it, you’ll notice that isn’t necessarily true. Even if I fail right now, that can only mean that my dreams are being postponed and I’ll get back on track sooner or later. If it’s meant to be, it will be. If God himself thinks that I’d be a badass English teacher, he’ll help me get there.Β Right?

Yeah. Probably. Not everyone gets to live their dreams, on the other hand. So, who knows. And maybe I find a different dream along the way … To tell you the truth, I don’t even know when was the first time that I thought to myself “Hey! I want to be a TEACHER!” I had so many different dreams, especially when I was a kid. I first wanted to be a masseuse, which clearly didn’t make any sense at all, because kids normally don’t “dream” about massaging people, am I right? Haha … Then, I wanted to work in medicine, which made even less sense, since I wasn’t a hard-working student until I got to high school. I also really wanted to be a psychologist, since people kept telling me I am incredibly good with words and I always liked helping people out and giving advice. And then … I think the connection of all of those dreams is the will to help people out. Teachers teach valuable lessons, whether those are linked to school or personal life. So, then … That made most sense.

Now I’m here, trying to kick ass at my final exams, so I can get accepted to my dreamy little college that will give me an education, so I can educate others. But, like I’ve said … I’m scared. So, so scared. I think I can do this … But it depends which mood swing hits me. I’ll let you know soon.

Either way … PLEASE think of me this Saturday and keep your fingers crossed that I do well.

Also, think of everyone who is going through a hard time right now, because final exams took all of their energy, confidence and … Happiness in life (sense the sarcasm, by the way. We’re good. It’ll be good).


15 comments on “It’s not that I don’t believe in myself, I just find myself being scared.

  1. Sameer.
    May 25, 2017

    Let it go. The fear.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sameer.
    May 25, 2017

    Its as difficult as climbing to the moon and as easiest as breathing out.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. lexorknightrider
    May 25, 2017

    You’ll be fine. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It takes a lot of courage to write about your fears…and it takes honesty, wisdom, inner beauty and talent to write the way you do. Your blog is wonderful, thank you for sharing your inner voice! And thank you for following mine, I’m honored!
    Best regards,

    Liked by 1 person

    • largesttamara
      May 26, 2017

      Thank you so much for writing such a beautiful comment, it means more than you can imagine! I’m honored you follow me, as well πŸ™‚ Have a good day!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hussein Allam
    May 27, 2017

    Sometimes we need to fail in order to pass, it does mean that things postponed until we achieve when it’s time, great post you share here! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. mishl53
    June 7, 2017

    The first University test I was driving to I was a muddle of fear. Fighting myself with myself like knights on horses in a contest of lances. Suddenly, I saw a bright ROYGBIV RAINBOW. It made me happy. I chose to take that as a positive sign there was a power greater than myself assuring me I would PASS my exams.

    I was lucky to see a rainbow EVERY TIME I drove to University for exams there was a rainbow. Sometimes larger, or smaller or a double rainbow.

    You have it inside you to succeed in your best and societies best interests.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • largesttamara
      June 8, 2017

      That is so beautiful! A little joke: on the day of my Math exam (the one that I absolutely feared the most), the rain was POURING! Me and my friends joked that couldn’t be a good sign and the sun came out the minute we were done with the exam. I’m not afraid that was a sign, though, because the weather has been acting crazy this month in my country anyway πŸ˜€
      Thank YOU for sharing your story and giving me hope that I can succeed! It means a lot πŸ™‚


  7. gruundehn
    June 10, 2017

    Concentrate on the next step and the fear will have no place to stay. Make your plans, short term and long term, and then focus on the next step to accomplish those plans. Review the plans periodically but concentrate on the next step.

    Liked by 1 person

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This entry was posted on May 25, 2017 by in psychology and tagged , , , , , , , , .
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