I’ve never had the urge to write about romantic things (well, if we forget about my shenanigans two years ago, when I was trying out as a poet … Not my strongest point, by the way …), but I was just drifting away in my thoughts and I said to myself: Why not open up?
As an 18-year old girl, I have to say I haven’t been in a relationship yet. Some of my friends have been dating for years, while I haven’t made any romantic connections. I wouldn’t say I feel incomplete because of that, by the way. I am a very ambitious person and my number one priority is making those goals true. While reading that sentence, some of you probably thought: “You’re young! Don’t think about the career, just live it out and be crazy and in love. It’s the best part of our lives!” Maybe that’s so. I never had trouble admitting that I am an incredibly mature person (in some ways, I’m even too mature and too serious). I just don’t have the need to do some of those things, but I don’t necessarily disagree with what I put in the quotation, either. Sure I’d like to meet someone special one day and I do get lonely, as well. I just think it wouldn’t make sense to push things, when they don’t feel right.
And they didn’t feel right yet, by the way. Every now and then I get a crush, every guy who is nice to me or opens the door for me, is probably going to be a prince in my dreams, for a couple of weeks … And sometimes I melt when I feel someone’s eyes on me. I feel warm and good. And I’ve wondered a lot of times … What if this is a guy for me?! But in the end, that’s all there is.
I’m a very old-fashioned person, too. It matters to me that a guy takes notice. It matters to me that a guy chases you around a bit. Not in the … “I’m going to keep him as a back-up plan and friendzone him for the rest of his life, while he is making wedding plans” way. But in the way that you know that he wants you. SPECIFICALLY you. In the way that … Even if you say or do something wrong , you know that at the end of the day, he’ll be there for you and you’re everything that he wants. In the way that when he looks at you, you feel secure. You know what he is thinking, what he is doing. You know him. And he knows you.
(Let me just … Get myself together. Ok. Am I watching too many romantic movies? Dang.)
I do want those things. They feel good.
But, there’s a lot of things that I don’t like about dating, too. Giving an example: I personally cannot talk to a guy that has talked to all of my friends before, because I feel like he wants to date me for the purpose of being with just anybody. He doesn’t want me for me. I truly get emotionally invested, so when I finally fall for somebody, whenever that time is, it’ll be because of him. Not because I’d be needy and I’d be searching for anykind of a creature that would want to give in and date me. That’s not the purpose for me. So I don’t want to be that kind of a … Thing? … For anybody.
And I also take time. I invest in good people. I make SURE they’re good for me. So, I’ll just say this: being close to me is very time consuming, but it’s always rewarding at the end. If you want me … Then that’s that. You cannot have second thoughts.
Anyway … That’s a snippet of the thoughts that I was having today and that I felt like sharing. To sum this up … Love is a complicated thing. And I have to get some sleep.