Largest Temperature

About confrontation + My coldness when I do not confront people.

Before I start talking about anything, I have to admit to you that I normally avoid confrontation. Not my own, by the way, which is quite funny! I don’t like to confront other people when it comes to their own life.

I think that’s a problem, because instead of confronting somebody about a certain issue, I start being ignorant and cold toward them. That’s the result of having anger/resentment/sadness inside of you and not letting them out, properly. My mother is almost like a psychologist to me, because I discuss nearly everything with her. I love how close we are. However, an open conversation about people’s activities that bother me isn’t the same as if I talked about them to those certain people.

So, why do I do this? I think a part of me might be afraid to lose a certain friend if I’ll talk about the things that bother me about them. I might be afraid they’ll do the same to me and I’ll realize we were never even friends, just people who tolerated each other for whatever reason. I think I also believe that every person has disadvantages, problems, so I don’t like drilling into somebody, especially if I feel like it’s not my business. Everyone can have a bad day, so why would I try to worsen it by talking about the things that I don’t like about them? If you love somebody, you make compromises and you accept them for everything they are. I’m also always afraid that my confrontation will result into a fight. I no longer have the “energy” to fight. I’d prefer to surround myself with positive energy. I know … I can’t live in an ignorant and blissful world.

Let’s go back to the topic of having an open conversation. I think people start gossiping about their friends to other people whenever they feel like they cannot open up to them directly. And gossping, to me, is one of the worst habits a person can posess. I used to have a big issue with that when I was younger and that’s why I tried my best to overcome this in high school. I am doing quite a good job, I think, and I don’t want to get back to it.

I’m not making a favor to myself, because there’s no way out, unless I do something that I don’t like doing. I cannot gossip about people and I also feel like confronting people isn’t a much prettier habit than gossiping. Maybe I’m wrong … After all, if you can have a mature conversation with a person without either of you feeling like this has to result into a fight, you have won for life. And that’s how it’s supposed to be, if you ask me – having conversations without them resulting into a fight. But that’s a big IF. You can use the right approach and confront people in a nice way, but they still might understand your confrontation as attacking. If they feel attacked, they will start defending themselves and they might even strike back at you, yelling at you the bad characteristics that you posess (which I have mentioned in the third paragraph).

I don’t know whether confrontation is worth the risk. I don’t want to gossip. I certainly don’t want to turn cold toward people, either, because that’s going to result into a downfall of a relationship, that I know. And now that I have pointed out those two outcomes (where neither of them is a positive one), it feels like confronting somebody can give you the best result, after all. But … I don’t know. It’s still hard.

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One comment on “About confrontation + My coldness when I do not confront people.

  1. Pingback: Talking further about confrontation. | Largest Temperature

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This entry was posted on July 4, 2017 by in psychology and tagged , , , , .
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