I know I’ve shown great maturity to some of you by my carefully chosen topics where I truly try to talk about the popular worldwide problems that we all have to face in our daily life. However, I am still just a teenager. I am not ashamed of being “immature” too, and playful and vulnerable … I’ve been hurting these couple of days and the quote of Lord Byro goes:”If I don’t write to empty my mind, I go mad.” Here I am now, writing about something incredibly close to my heart.
On Thursday, my favorite singer passed away. You’ve probably known him or you have heard of him on the news … His name was Chester Bennington and he was singing in my favorite band called Linkin Park. I cannot say for certain that band was the first music I ever listened to, because it would have been pretentious to claim such a thing. I don’t remember. But I know for certain that it was the first band that mattered and the first band that made me realize I love and need music in my life. It was also the first music connection to my older brother, who introduced me to rock and who was a fan of theirs beforehand.
The modern generations often find comfort in music and so did I. Actually, scratch that … I still do. We’re learning our whole lives how to love ourselves, how to embrace the good or the bad, who we are and who do we want to be … Growing up is especially a hard time in our lives, because we’re yet trying to form ourselves. And that takes time. I listened to this band whenever I felt lonely, sad, angry, confused … And I also listened to them whenever I had the need to dance, to laugh loudly and love. I understood their music, I understood their voices and I related to their words … It felt like I found a friend, the kind that knows what is going on in your head and the kind that explains your thoughts when you do not know how to explain them yourself …
I never met these six people that form the band, but it truly felt like I not only found idols in them, but more importantly – friends. Idols are people that we “worship” aka we believe they’re perfect. Friends are people who we think are flawed, but we love them for it.
That’s why it feels like a friend passed away this week. That’s why my soul hurts deeply, my eyes feel tired from the crying, my head is confused and my heart is shattered. I wanted to meet Chester. I wanted to thank him for being there for me when it felt like nobody else was, because I was just a confused teenager, as many other teenagers are/were.
And it feels like I do not know how to move on.
I also do not know how to put all of my thoughts down on the paper, as hard as I try … Some people feel my pain and relate to it and others people can’t and never will. It’s OK … I’m not writing this for anybody else but myself and my inner peace. I’m trying to sort my emotions out, even though all I understand right now is the fact that I am shattered.
Can you truly mourn somebody that you didn’t even know? Some of you might ask that. But let me tell you this … I did know Chester. Maybe not personally, I never shook his hand or traded a couple of words … I never will. But I knew who he was. I knew how he felt.
The world lost a great human being and an incredibly talented singer, writer, performer … I truly think nothing will feel the same without him. Some special energy is missing, a light, if you have it … Because while he was constantly battling his demons, he never stopped being a light for so many other people who were or still are battling theirs.
I consider Chester a friend. I love him. I miss him. And I hope I learn how to move on when the time is right.